I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
