dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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