I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
