remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
