I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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