Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
