Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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