i can't believe i had my finger in that
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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