Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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