Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
