Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
