Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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