She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
