I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
