That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
