I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
