I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
