I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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