I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My hand turned me down
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
