I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
