Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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