good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
