even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I party with great urgency now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
