he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
