Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
