There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
