I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
