A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
this hospital has no fireball
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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