please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
