I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
