It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
