i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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