i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
