Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
