Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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