drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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