wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize