Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
