Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
