Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
