Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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