I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
