Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
