Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
