im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
