He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
