I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
