I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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