I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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