Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
