based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
