You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and you said cock pushups were impossible
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
