dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
