Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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