Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need a beard to bite.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
