make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
