There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
