I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
