Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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