Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
