where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Farmville is her only friend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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