those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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