I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
