Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
