I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
