If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
