fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
