The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
