The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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