Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
