just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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