Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
