I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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