Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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