She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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