god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
